This is The Dad Space.
This is a place where Dads can feel comfortable and open and honest about how they are feeling. This is a place where Dads can share their experiences, talk about their worries and concerns and realise that they are not the only ones who have felt this way.
On the whole, men are not good at talking about how they are feeling, I know that I am not. We don’t tend to talk about our feelings, we bottle them up and ignore them. In recent times, there has been a huge shift in this, with more people now talking about their mental health and their struggles. But we still don’t talk enough. This needs to change. We need to understand that there are people out there who have been in similar positions and can help.
My aim with The Dad Space is to create a place where men can talk about all things Dad life. Whether you are about to become a Dad, you have just become a Dad, or your children are a bit older, if you are coparenting, separated from their mother, or divorced, I want this to be a place for sharing without judgement.
I became a Dad for the first time in June 2020, in the middle of a Nationwide lockdown, there were no groups to attend, no gatherings and for the most part nobody to speak to about the feelings that I was having as a new Dad. There I was with a beautiful baby girl, who I was totally in love with, but the bond I was expecting wasn’t coming. Naturally, I didn’t say a word of this to my better half and over time this bond grew and grew and continues to grow to this day. At the time I felt like I was crazy, I thought that this was going to be instantaneous, I expected this. It was only after sheepishly approaching this subject with my brother-in-law significantly later that I realised this actually isn’t unusual and I wasn’t crazy. I wonder now how many men have been through the same thing that I did, wondering what was wrong with them, bottling it up and not receiving any reassurance. If I had known at the time that there was an open forum out there where I could have talked about the feelings that I was having, where people from all over the world could have told me that this is normal and over time, it would be a thing of the past, it would have made me feel much better about my situation.
When we were expecting our second child, there were completely different feelings. I had a major wobble, but this time I did speak to my wife about these. I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to share the love I had for my daughter with another child. Not something that she wanted to hear about a week out from our due date. I looked for places to talk, but came up short. It was only after another conversation with the brother-in-law that my mind was put at ease, he said that this is something he felt too. He assured me that I would find the space in my heart to love them both and of course I do.
I feel like these experiences that I have had only scratch the surface of what Dads all over the world have gone through and if we can create a sharing environment where one person can feel like we have helped, then I will consider this to be a success.
Let’s get sharing.